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Friday, December 28th, 2007

Time:9:07 pm.
I am so afraid of what could become of this.
I don't even like the idea of this.
Things are going so well.
We both made a choice to change our lives.
You are going to far with it.
What if things get bad?
What if you change?
Bow Before the Princess

Wednesday, November 21st, 2007

Subject:More bullshit.
Time:3:55 pm.
All I ever do is bitch on here. But I don't think very many people read this, so it's ok. I hate feeling like this. We are arguing way too much. It shouldn't be like this. I miss the nights when we used to sleep tangled up in each other. Now you just roll over the other way. I miss when you used to call me just to tell me that you loved me. Now you don't say it half the time we talk. I just want to spend some fucking time together. Yeah, we see each other everyday, but we never "Spend" time together. Other people are always around, and me cooking and cleaning up while you sit and watch tv doesn't count. I don't feel appreciated. I want to feel like I am irreplacable. I don't feel like that, not at all. Hell, I know I am not if you can get head and get fucked by 2 different girls in the 5 days we were broken up. I am most certainly not. I hate that, cause I love you. Sometimes I hate that I love you. I feel like such a bitch for thinking this way, but I can't help it. I want to be with you forever, but I want to fucking kill you sometimes too. I have no idea why I ever write this shit. It doesn't do any good, hardly anyone reads it, and the one that should read it won't. I guess that's why I write in here, instead of my myspace or facebook. Cause I know that he could read it on there. Relationships require responsibility. I just wonder if you are up to the job?
Bow Before the Princess

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

Time:3:42 pm.
I just say that I absolutely hate being jealous. I am not a very jealous person, but somehow, YOU bring it out in me. I really try hard and make it a point to not be one of those "crazy girlfriends," especially like Stef. However, it is really hard. I really hope that this "paranoia" is all in my head.

I love good days. I had a super great day Tuesday. I had a long day at class and then work, only to be greeted with Chad and Stef's assload of dirty dishes as I walk into the kitchen. I'm slaving over them when you walk in. And then everything is okay. I HATE grocery shopping. But it's almost fun with you. I am a terrible cook, but somehow I manage to pull it off when I'm cooking for you. It was just nice. I felt very domesticated, what with all my cooking, cleaning, shopping, and such. I think I should very much enjoy being a wife and mother someday....Maybe.

Anywho, I am now at work. Where I am terribly bored. I left my notebook in class, like a retard today. So I can't very well study now. And that is terrible. I've done 4 Sudoku puzzles and 3 fill-ins. I'm bored. Very bored. SO bored, in fact, that I am writing in this thing again. I never write in here. It makes me feel like I am in High School again. (no offense to anyone else writing here) It's just that I only wrote in it when I was in high school, that's all I have to identify this with.

There's a bank next door to the place that I work, and it totally got robbed like 2 times in 10 days. And the rumor has it that it was the same person. Isn't that funny. There were like 3 news crews outside last week. It's sad, and that man should go to jail for a long time. Somehow I can't help but to laugh at it though. I mean come on...the same guy....twice!! Bwahaha!

I grauate on Dec. 12. Isn't that neat? I am excited about that shit. I'll be making much more money. However I get the feeling that I will be working a lot more that I originally had planned on. But, really that's okay cause I need to save up all the money that I can. I have big plans.

OK, I guess that I am done rambling for now.
Bow Before the Princess

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Time:3:17 pm.
Sometimes I find myself sitting and waiting to catch you doing something wrong.
Good things rarely happen to people like me.
So you see why I might be skeptical.
All the "excellent promises" and "swear to God's" don't have me convinced.
I don't believe things like this ever happen to people.
I don't believe in much.
So, I guess comvincing me is a tough one.
I think I just sit and wait on bad things to happen.
That's sad, I know.
But if you expect the worst, you aren't as dissapointed when it happens.
I'm sure people think everything is perfect.
And on the surface, it is.
You're amazing, too sweet.
That's just it... too sweet.
Does everyone think this way.
Do all people who have good things in their life just sit and on wait for it to fall apart?
Have you ever been in a relationship, and your phone rings and you get the bubbleguts?
You are so excited and happy that they are calling.
I get the bubbleguts when I see his name on my caller ID.
But for other reasons.
I am terrified that he's calling to tell me it's over.
Yeah, I know.
So, as I sit and write all of this, I ask myself...
"What makes me think this way?"
I know the answer.
I have bad self-esteem, and an even worse attitude.
Let me elaborate on "bad self-esteem."
I know that I am a good person.
I know that I deserve to be treated well.
I know that I am loved and cared for by many people.
But I don't know how or why.
I think maybe it's better that I don't belive and understand it.
I never want to be one of those people who "expect" or think the deserve love.

Bow Before the Princess

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

Time:10:39 pm.
Mood: frustrated.
When my lips speak from our outer shell
To explain a feeling I know all to well
From within it flows to lips
But along the way it becomes words
Words often are felled upon deaf ears
But worse yet deaf souls
That open not their doors
And greet these emotions one wishes to share
Leaving heart felt feeling
To flow upon the world
Knowing not the servership it was intended
But it is better to enhance
The wind that is not spoken

Words From the Tip of my tounge

Songs, longs, sad, mad men
Brain, rain, bad lad Ken!
Apricot, mango, plum, prune and date
Hardships, integrity, love is too late

Suspicions, traditions, superstitions and heart
I knew this these things from the start
No choice, no voice, I have to leave
Trust in god and in miracles believe

Bow Before the Princess

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007

Time:12:13 am.
Mood: blah.
Where are you going ,
And how long will it take?
Why are you leaving,
And when will you return?
Too long to explain,
Too hard to understand.
A hideaway.
The getawa.y
A place of the unknown.
The residence of Seclusion.
Bow Before the Princess

Thursday, April 19th, 2007

Subject:Wow, it's been a while.
Time:12:10 am.
Mood: cheerful.
So, yeah I haven't posted on this thing in so long I mean way too long.

I am staying at Scott's tonight and I forgot my journal that I normally write in so I am going to write in here!

Today was an ok day. I woke up with Scott and we finished watching the Departed. It was sooooo good and I did not expext it to end the way that it did. Let's see, what else... I went home and hung out with lindsey my love and took a shower. Then I went to the Rockford meeting. It was a good meeting an "just for day" so that was good considering that I sometimes have a hard time staying in just for today. Then I talked to everyone outside the meeting for a minute. I found out that Jolie is pregnant. That is insane. I can't even imagine ther as a mom. That is just out of control! I talked to Thomas tonight, and everything is good with him. He just picked up his 60 day keytag! Yay for him. I have 7 months clean tomorrow! I can't even believe it! Anyways, I went to Applebee's and talked to Beth Anne, Laura, Craig, and Zach for a little while. Beth Anne is so god damn funny. I mean really she is. Then I came over here with Mr. Scott. He is so great. I am really truly happy with him. He is playing his silly video games and I have just been sitting here watching him, and I am completely content with it.

He Is

he comes like the sunrise,
exciting and new, waking so serene,
in tune to everything around us,
full of light and passion and youth,
regal and yet delightfully awkward,
he is.

he knows the manner of my heart and mind,
ever aware of me and of himself,
kind and generous, never pretentious,
always precise and mindful,
carefully direct,
he is.

he comes like the night,
dark and mysterious, stepping so lightly,
in love with love and with us,
quick to embrace, slow to release,
all around me,
he is.

1 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Wednesday, August 10th, 2005

Subject:WOOO WEE!!
Time:2:54 pm.
Mood:Rearry Sirry.
I'm going to Canada!! I leave the 21st. WOOO WEE!! YAY FOR ME!! HAHA... and you are going... haha!

I haven't seen a good LJ fight in a while... so I'm going try and start some shit.... Alkaline trio and Finch are THE worst bands to ever try and create music.... they're almost as bad a U2.....

6 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Tuesday, July 12th, 2005

Time:11:16 pm.
Jason and Merv are in Virginia.... that's sad.

Sarah and I are house sitting at Jace's.

We are lonely.

I'm a little drunk and a whole lot of silly.

Yee haw.

That is all.
1 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Friday, July 8th, 2005

Subject:Hey MAN... look at me rocking out!
Time:8:12 am.
Mood: cheerful.
Yes, it is like ass crack early.. and I'm awake.

Brenden left for PA today, he, Jimmy, Nathan, Caldwell, and Zak are going to D-day, ( some paintball tournament they go to every year) for the weekend. He gets home late Sunday night and then he's leaving for 4 more days early Monday morning with Jason and his family to go to Virginia. Hopefully I'll see him before he leaves then too. I'm sad he's leaving, but I'm sure I'll manage.

The Merv family has had a lot of excitement going on at their house. His Aunt Ann and Uncle Ed and their three kids, Jessica, Tara, and Eddie are in from Florida. Ed, and the kids are really cool, but I'm not too sure how I feel about Ann... she's a strange one. And then his Uncle Alan and Aunt Gigi were in also. They left to go see Gigi's parents in Louisiana, but they're coming back the 11th. And then, his parents friends, Deanna and Adam were in too. They left Thursday to go back to Oregon. They were soooo freaking cool. They have a 19 month old baby, Zane. He truly is the prettiest baby I have ever seen. He's so well behaved too, never cries or anything. Just wants to play with his "car car." Deanna is a physcology teacher at some college in Oregon. She's really witty and fun to talk to. I'm very excited to seeing them again.

Lindsey and I went to Freedom Fest and that was fun. I've been to the Alcoa Duck Pond to see fireworks every year since I can remember. And it's still fun everytime, I'm like a 6 year old when it comes to stuff like that. Makes me think of when I was little, and I was scared of them because they were so loud. Yes, and I saw Amber there too. She sat with me and we talked about her trip to Europe the entire time. That was really cool too, I haven't seen her hardly at all this summer so it was good catching up. She seemed to really have a good time on her trip, so I'm glad for her! Her new Gucci bag is really cute too!!

Momma Merv, Brenden, Sarah, Jason, Holly, Jimmy, Adam, Forsythe, Shawn, Big Cole, Little Cole, and I all went to the Theory of a Deadman concert. It was a TON of fun!! The singer is so freaking HOT!! Some fat guy was moshing and kept pushing Momma Merv, and she was NOT having that!! Adam had to pick her up and drag her outside so she wouldn't kick his ass. The moshing got pretty ridiculous at the concert though. I can usually hold my own pretty well. ( I have Alex to thank for that, for taking me to so many concerts.) Although, that fat guy I mentioned before punched me in the collar bone and I couldn't breathe. I was looking for one of the guys, or someone to pull me out. Merv was trying to find his mom, and I was in the middle of this huge mess, and finally Forsythe picks me up and gets me out of it. I was very grateful!! He stayed with me until Merv found us. Thanks Forsythe!! And, the everyone was trampling Sarah, and she's really little, but she's feisty! Jason had his arms wrapped around her stomach and he picked her up and she was still kicking and punching. It was by far one of the funniest things I've seen!! Then when we were waiting for the them to come out so we could say hey and get autographs, someone threw a bottle down right beside me, and I got glass in my shoe!! So then I had a piece of glass in my foot the rest of the night. It sucked. But then we got in the car, and about half way home, Momma Merv's like "My foot hurts.." And she takes her shoe off and it's all swollen and purple! It looked terrible! I was like "You're just now noticing that you're foot is like this?" And then we realized that she had drank so much that she didn't feel it! The alcohol wore off and then she noticed it! She we get home and I'm trying to get her to sit down and put some ice on her foot, and the only thing she is concerned about is getting the glass out of my foot! She finally she gets it out, and we put ice on her foot. That was like two weeks ago, and her foot is still purple. Momma Merv is the best! She was a trooper! A couple weeks before the Theory of a Deadman concert, we went to see Skindred. I had only heard like one of their songs, but I went anyways! The singer was this black rastafarian guy. He was awesome. It was like the BEST concert ever. I had soo much fun! Merv got knocked unconcsious, and Caldwell got a bloody nose, but it was sooooo much fun. I listen to them like everyday now. Yay!

This past Saturday, some of Merv's family friends Dave and Leila got married. It was such a nice wedding. It was on the lake and it was the perfect day for it! Leila was beautiful and Dave looked great too! After the ceremony they was music and everyone was dancing and drinking and just having fun! Merv and I had our first "dance" there, and that was really cute. Then they had fireworks over the lake, it was beautiful. Dave and Leila are so perfect for each other. I don't think I have ever seen two people that happy. I can only hope my wedding is that great.

The guys indoor soccer season started two weeks ago. And they've played two games. Their team name is "MUSCO." Because it all they guys that played at WB, and then a bunch of the mexicans from Panchos. Christian and Angel Gomez play with them. I've known them forever, cause sissy was good friends with their cousins, Steven and Daniel. We all sit in the box with them and scream our heads off! Forsythe is my yelling buddy! I think they are doing well. Although this is the first time that a lot of them have played indoor before. I'm learning that it's very different from regular soccer. Indoor is MUCH more physical. The ref's don't really call anything. The only you hear him say is "play on." Although at the last game some guy pulled Caldwell down, and was holding on to his leg so he couldn't get up, and Caldwell turned around and punched him in the face... the ref made a call on that one, and put them both out for two minutes. I think once they all get used to playing together and adjust to the indoor rules and circumstances they will play much better.

Candace and Brian took Jeremy to Florida this past week. They picked up Brian's brother, Scott, and they went to Bush Gardens and then spent some time at the beach. I talked to Jeremy and he seemed to have had a good time, so that's good. My goal is to spend more time with him. I miss my baby brother so damn much. I went to see him on his birthday. It was awesome seeing him, he and all his friends were playing Halo, of course, when I got there. But he left them and made some time for me. He got a freaking kayak for his birthday, so he's getting serious about it apparently. He's going to middle school this year! I can't believe he's grown up so fast! He's a little stud and he's gonna have girls crawling all over him before long.

Ah, I am in a surprisingly good mood considering how early it is and that Brenden left me today. I have no idea why I just typed all this up. I doubt anyone will read it all anyways. But I haven't updated in a while, so I figured what they heck. I don't know what to do with myself while Brenden's gone. Daddy Merv says I'll do the same thing I do when Brenden is in town, sit at their house!! Lol, I do spend A LOT of time over there. Half the time I'm not even with Brenden. I sit and talk to his parents and hang out with his sister, Brittany. Ahh, Brittany. She's such a nice girl. She's got boys calling her nonstop. That doesn't surprise me though, she's gorgeous and she's got a great personality. Although when she chooses the lucky guy, I hope he's a good one, cause I'll kick his ass. I'm sure I'll spend a lot of time with Miss Linds. And Sarah will be lonely too with Jason gone next week, so we'll be lonely together. Yes, we'll be moving into the new house soon, so maybe I'll get some packing done this week. That would be good.

Alright, I'm done now... I hope you all are well. And to all of you I haven't talked to or seen in ages, Micah, Christian, Matt, Marissa, Meg, Courtney, Derek, Wesley, Amy, Mat, Dave, and anyone else I missed... I love you all and miss you dearly. I hope you are all having a WONDERFUL summer.

5 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Wednesday, June 15th, 2005

Subject:What're ya gonna do with all that junk in your trunk??
Time:3:07 pm.
Mood: chipper.
Yeah, so I never update. That's kind of silly. But not really.

So what I have I been into lately? Well, I'll tell you. I've spent a lot of time with Merv, Linds, Sarah, Jason, and everyone. It's been an uber good time too. I'm having such an awesome summer, I couldn't ask for anything better.

Last night we went to see the Fire flies!! It was amazing, I mean I've been tons of times before, but everytime I go it still amazes me! It's like I am a 6 year old kid again!

Mikey comes home from Europe today I think, so hopefully I'll get to see him today or tomorrow! I've missed him terribly, and I hope he had a LOVELY time.

But yes, I don't have much to say. I love you all.

2 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Monday, May 30th, 2005

Time:11:19 pm.
Mood: crushed.
I'm so sick of being nice to you while you don't even try to be happy. I'm sorry you are sad, I've gone way out of my way to try and make things better. I love you with all my heart, and you really are my best friend: however it kills me when you are upset at me, the guys, your parents, and everyone all the time. I understand that you are at a shitty point in your life, and I'm sorry. You know I'd make it all better if I could. Although, I can't continue to be the person you take everything out on when you are pissed. You probably don't even realize you are doing it, considering that I don't say anything to you and I just take it. But I can't do it anymore. I am not the kind of person to let people walk all over me and that is exactly how I feel like I am being treated. Please understand that I am not trying to be mean or be a bitch, so I hope you don't take it that way. I just cannot continue to feel like I am being walked over and used.

5 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Wednesday, May 25th, 2005

Subject:Random thoughts
Time:6:26 pm.
Mood: geeky.
The crisp smell of fresh cut grass,
The distinctive tinkle of ice in glass,
The lap of waves on a deserted beach,
The shine of the apple just out of reach,
Deserted wood with gurgling stream,
Starlight replete with mote and beam,
Thunder rumbling over an open plain,
Rain tapping gently on windowpane,
Children's laughter at recess time,
A home filled with boughs of fresh pine,
Lovers locked in sweet embrace,
A ballet of dancers with poise and grace,
A rainbow painted across the sky,
Fresh clean sheets on which to lie,
My wish to enjoy whatever life may bring,
And the contented beauty in all of these things.
Bow Before the Princess

Sunday, May 15th, 2005

Time:2:07 pm.
Mood: crushed.
Yeah, so I'm upset. And I'm allowed to be. Yeah... so I just got here... and YOU are talking on your phone, and I no longer exist. And how does this make me feel? Hmm.. well.... LIKE SHIT!!

I seriously feel like I could go throw up.

I hope you're happy... cause I'm not.

1 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Sunday, May 8th, 2005

Time:9:57 pm.
Mood: jubilant.
Well... I'd like to sing a little song....

Tj is a douchebag, yes he is.
Tj is a douchebag, yes he is.
Tj is a douchebag, oh TJ is a douchebag,
Tj is a douchebag, yes he is.

Yeah, so I have like 3 days of class left and it's amazing.
I am so excited. YAY.

Meg is sooo foonay... WATCH THE ROOD YA BOOTCH!! yea.. I think we need to go back to Canada.

1 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Tuesday, April 5th, 2005

Subject:Trust by chance....
Time:4:03 pm.
Mood: confused.
Umm... Yea... so I def got my feelings hurt really bad by one of my "best" friends today...

I already know, girl.... just talk to me about it. I don't understand why it's a big deal. I'm not mad that it happened... I'm mad that you feel you can't tell me.

You know who you are.

1 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005

Subject:What you got in that case??
Time:9:07 pm.
Mood: awake.
Ahh yes, so I had an awesome spring break. It was tons of fun. I saw Eisley, Reggie and the Full Effect, and New Found Glory in ATL! It was a a lot of fun. And I got to go visit Lindsey my love at Carson Newman. It was super fun. I mostly sat around and slept a lot, but I needed the rest.

I never update this thing anymore... but there isn't too terribly much going on, so I don't have much to say.

Let's see... we got out debate topics today. Meg and I are debating against Thomas (black gay guy) Williams and Ashton Wood. The topic....ABORTION. Meg and I have Pro-choice. Which I am pleased with, considering that I agree with it. I actually very excited about this, the research and putting everything together should be a fun experience.

Andypants is the man, yo.

Your Inner Gangsta by crash_and_burn
What is yo name?
Yo gangsta name beMad Nazty Nizzle
You ride around in a2004 Chrysler Pacifica
Yo gangSlim Shady's Pink Ladies
Yo shoes beStiletto heels
Yo dubs be dis big, fool2,802
How much money you got?$3.50217017094561e+26
How gangsta are you, bitch?: 1%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Love and Sex With Your Friends by dannygrl0129
Favorite Color
Love of your life:davarro
Best sex of your life:javajen
Will make you come 1000 times:snafufar
Will break your heart:xxohmurderousxx
Best Kisser:nubstheduck
Best cuddler:semicharmedstar
You secretly dream of:kissthebarrel
But this person dreams of you:xsewupthelipsx
Will handcuff you and screw you silly:bam2346
Quiz created with MemeGen!

ooh.. Bre... you are good cuddler... YES
1 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Sunday, March 6th, 2005

Subject:It's been... a while
Time:9:40 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
Space Mountain
Space Mountain: A thrilling rocket ride through the
darkness of outer space! Futuristic and
forward thinking, you have just enough 2001-esk
elements without escaping Walt Disney's utopian
vision for a brighter tomorrow. You represent
speed, stealthness, and the promise of
technology, while your Dick Dale surf guitar
riff of a soundtrack makes you retro and
mysterious, without being corny. Keep the
lights low and avoid revealing too much, lest
you ruin the show, you're only going 28 mph!
Regardless of speed, you prove that in the
vacuum in space, you CAN hear people scream!

What Disneyland attraction are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah, so it's been a while. How are you all? Good? Yes?

So, I'm 18 now. I'm legal... I can go to jail. Scary? yes? no?

We had the musical this weekend. It went pretty well. Saturday night show... mostly... sucked but thats ok I suppose. Amanda brought the holy water and that made up for it. Yeah... about that.

So.. I got a new nickname today... they call me... Copenhagen. WOW!! That's ok, Amber is Beech Nut. Oh and, Meggy is SKIP!

I'm ready for springbreak.. I CANT WAIT TO SEE NFG!! WOOT WOOT... BITCHES!

7 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Wednesday, February 16th, 2005

Subject:All I Know is that...
Time:5:40 pm.
Mood: blank.
Yeah, so my life is pretty 'effin boring. My birthday is in all of like 3 days though. So I am uber excited about that shit.

Yeah, Derek I am mad at you. And I hope you read this, and I hope you feel bad, and I am not speaking to you until you apologize for being mean today.

Yeah, so I am sick of school... I am so ready to graduate!! Freakin May 16th will not come soon enough! Ahh...

3 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

Monday, February 7th, 2005

Subject:Como estas... PINCHES!
Time:10:20 pm.
If you read this, even if I don't speak to you often, you must post a memory of me.

It can be anything you want, just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you....
10 Bowed|Bow Before the Princess

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